40 in 40 Days

While part of my brain can’t believe it’s true, my lower back pain and higher body fat percentage can help me confirm that I will, in fact, be turning 40 in just over a month. I’m almost there, to almost a third of the way through my life. Heh. Letting that sink in a second.

This is to say that I don’t think 40 is old. I feel better about most things in my life than I did in my 20s, and the entire decade of my 30s were better than any previous time in my life (with caveats and exceptions of course). How I felt about myself, how I handled problems – all of that stuff improved. I don’t really want to do a “what’s better vs. what’s worse” timeline comparison. My desire to stay up late has dramatically decreased, but I don’t feel that as a loss. Things are just different than they were when I was younger, and that’s fine with me. I’m not really interested in an analysis of what I’d wish I’d known in my 20s because that girl wasn’t going to listen to anyone’s advice anyway. That’s the funny thing about youthful arrogance. But I’ll probably be saying the same thing about my current self when I turn 60. I don’t want advice, even from my future self. Unless I ask. And even then, I’m probably only asking my mom and dad.

I guess sometimes we learn as we age, and sometimes we don’t. I’m happy with where I’ve been and where I am now. I’ve done a lot of different things, filled a lot of different roles, lived a lot of places. Maybe the most important lesson I’m currently learning is that change never stops. We’re never done evolving, improving if we want to.

So as I approach this milestone birthday, I’m going to think about how much better it’s going to get in the next 10 years, and I’m going to enjoy the heck out of some cake.