Identity Interrupted... by Motherhood

Hey all.

Thank you for taking some of your precious time to read my writing. In this substack, we investigate the startling change from one identity - writer, athlete, scientist, student, whatever - to Mom. Because unless you’ve made the very specific choice to not raise your children after becoming a mom, the “Mom” identity tends to push itself into first place, shoving everything else further down the list. This is a difficult transition and one that we’re not at all prepared for.

Here’s some relevant info about me:

I’ve considered myself an athlete my whole life. Gender differences or limitations didn’t occur to me until it was too late and athletics were in my blood. I wanted to be the fastest, and if I couldn’t be the fastest, I would find something else and be the best at that. My athletic life is a series of attempts and pivots, landing on rowing in college. I was very good at rowing, which was a hard thing for me to say out loud until recently, probably because I have self confidence now but also because I’m not good at rowing anymore (just because I’m old, not because something bad happened). Don’t consider this virtuous - it wasn’t humility. I wanted people to just KNOW I was a good athlete without my having to say it. They often didn’t, so I felt constantly underestimated and put down. All of that happened in my own head. It was kind of a mess in there.

Now, I’m a mom of two young boys, one of whom (the littler one) finished treatment for leukemia just this past summer. This topic - being a mom, having a cancer kid, etc. - moved to the top priority spot over my former life as an athlete. Interestingly enough, working out and running especially have become escapes, an exercise in reflection as much as fitness. My hope is that this is where our connections might lie.

So in short, I plan to write about:

• identity!
• the cancer treatment process (this is a big one)
• being a mom/parent
• athletics in present day life
• family
• balance (something I suck at but try really hard)
• maybe current events (sorry)

I post every other week on Wednesdays around 3:30pm. I might throw in something weirder and more poetic from time to time if I write something and think you might like it.

Thank you again for reading. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. <3